A Time for Change

A New Year’s Resolution:
Making each day a time for change
Jenni Schaefer


Do you have a New Year’s resolution? As the last seconds of the year tick away, we often become introspective and think about ways that we can improve our lives. Some of the most common promises we make to ourselves each January 1st involve spending more time with friends and family, taking better care of our bodies, and sticking to a budget.

This year my New Year’s resolution is to stop making New Year’s resolutions. Don’t get me wrong. It is a good thing to want to change our lives for the better on January 1st. But we must not forget that it is also a good thing to want to improve our lives on February 1st, May 12th, December 30th, or any other day. My point is that each moment is a time for positive change, not just the beginning of the year. So maybe I do, in fact, have a New Year’s resolution --- to make each and every day an opportunity for growth.

Unfortunately, many promises we make to ourselves are broken fairly shortly after they are set. When I was struggling with an eating disorder, I used to make promises to myself daily only to break them by nightfall. I had great ideas about how to recover, but I did not make a solid commitment to follow through with any of these concepts. So the concepts remained just that: concepts. Making real change in my life required a new kind of commitment. It required action.

Whether we make a commitment on January 1st or another day, we must learn to describe our goals in specific terms. I used to promise myself, “I will never again engage in eating disordered behaviors.”

After failing over and over again with the “never again” part, I realized that my goal was too broad. I needed to start smaller and to be more specific. So I made a commitment to eat lunch everyday for a month without restricting. I could make this happen. But making it happen required a plan.

When it comes to goals, we need plans. In my recovery and life, I have discovered that setting a goal without formulating a plan ends in the same result as if I had never set the goal in the first place. Without a plan, ideas remain ideas; concepts stay concepts. We need clear steps that can be put into action. For instance, when I became interested in exploring my spirituality, it helped for me to set aside a specific time each day to read spiritual literature, meditate, and pray.

Within our plans for progress, it is often beneficial to include accountability to others. When I made the commitment to eat lunch everyday, I was accountable to Nikki, a woman in my eating disorders support group. I made a promise to call Nikki everyday at noon and tell her my lunch plans. Regarding my work in spirituality, I became accountable to my sponsor in a Twelve-step group. Other people cannot only help with monitoring our progress, but they can also offer encouragement and provide a new perspective. A support team of friends, family members, health care professionals, and others is invaluable.

My support team encouraged me to write down my commitments to my recovery and myself in a journal. I have since realized that writing is a helpful step in accomplishing goals.

When we write down our goals, we must remain flexible. Just because a goal is written in some notebook does not mean that it cannot be changed. Life is all about change and being flexible. We must give our goals room to breathe and to thrive.

And we must acknowledge our successes --- big and small. While celebrating small successes, we keep our eyes set on the big change. At one point in my recovery from my eating disorder, my therapist said that the same small steps I had been making for years were just not going to cut it anymore. I was not making progress, so I needed to concentrate on drastic change.

Any drastic change I have ever accomplished in my life was the result of persistence and hard work. Nothing ever happened just because I woke up one morning and decided to change. No, things happened when I decided to change, took real action, and never gave up. Each morning, each moment is an opportunity for a new life.

I am not saying that we should never make a New Year’s resolution. I am saying that we should not limit ourselves to change at only one time of the year. The best time to change is not always January 1st.

And the best time to change is not tomorrow.

It is today.



[Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and the author of Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too (McGraw-Hill). She is a consultant with the Center for Change in Orem, UT. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com or email jenni@jennischaefer.com[.

Shopping Spree or Shopping Addiction?

Shopping could be called one of America's favorite pastimes, but what happens when it spirals out of control, and in some cases, becomes an addiction?

Compulsive shopping and spending is defined as inappropriate, excessive, and out of control. Sometimes referred to as "shopoholism," shopping addiction can wreak havoc on your life, your family, and your finances.

So what are some of the signs that shopping has crossed the line and become an addiction? What should a concerned family member or friend look out for when they think shopping has become a problem?

* Spending over budget. Everyone goes over budget at times, but if it's a consistent behavior you or your loved one could be in trouble.
* Compulsive buying. If you go shopping for one pair of shoes and come out with 10, it could signify a problem.
* It's a chronic problem. Addictions are continuous problems. They're more than two or three months of the year, and more than a once-a-year Christmas shopping spree.
* Hiding the problem. Like other addictions, Shopoholics will hide their purchases because they don't want their significant other to know. They may have secret credit card accounts, too. Because this problem affects mostly women, as alcoholism affects mostly men, husbands will all of sudden be told their wife is $20,000-$30,000 in debt and they are responsible, and many times, this comes out in divorce
* A vicious circle. Some people will take their purchases back because they feel guilty. Debt may not be an issue because they're consistently returning things, but a problem still exists.
* Impaired relationships. Problems in relationships can occur because the person spends time away from home to shop, covers up debt with deception, and emotionally and physically starts to isolate themselves.

If you, or a loved one, has lost control of spending habits now is the time to turn to Celebrate Recovery for help. Our goal is to no longer rely on our dysfunctional, compulsive, and addictive behaviors as a temporary "fix" for our pain. We apply the 12 steps of recovery based on the scriptures, to experience healing and stronger relationships with others and God.

Meetings are Wednesdays at 7:00 P.M. You're invited to come to a safe place of fellowship and caring where you will have the opportunity to find joy, serenity, and the peace of God restored in your life.

Come and celebrate God's healing power!